I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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