so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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