he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
