There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
