I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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