how can u be prego again
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
