I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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