I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize