I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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