im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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