So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Randomize
