so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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