i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
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