im gay
i know
yea but for you.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
