Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Randomize
