I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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