my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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