There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
