I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
