i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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