The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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