youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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