so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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