dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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