I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
