Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
