well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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