Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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