I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize