I just saw a hot homeless man
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
