Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
where are you?
Hypothermia
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
