I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
