Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
