If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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