Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Randomize