Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize