I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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