I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
