Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
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