Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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