The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I need to sanitize my soul.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
