My sheets look like a crime scene.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize