This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Randomize
