saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Randomize
