You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
