Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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