TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
you traded sex for a burrito?
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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