I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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