I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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