I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
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