u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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