some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
