I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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