just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
My life is pants optional.
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