He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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