Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
