I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
