the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
