a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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