The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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