I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I said "one day" and that day is not today
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