My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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