i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
