I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
