rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
