i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
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